Thursday, 26 April 2012

positive meeting at CAMHS..

well today I had a meeting at CAMHS (child adolescent mental health service) with my psychiatrist and a CPN(community psychiatric nurse) and we discussed what the plan is gona be to help me get back on track, it was a really positive session in all. I got weighed which always causes me a lot of distress so I decided not to look, I'm going to try blind weigh-ins as I'm totally obsessed with numbers and its not helpful for me, I figured if I'm really going to get better I need to challenge these things and perhaps its a good thing not knowing because then I cant get so freaked out that I end up losing all the weight, so we shall see how that goes. I'm going to be seeing my psych once a month to get weighed and have a catch up, and see a cpn called Belinda weekly/fornightly for the next four months until I'm 18. Then I'll be going to the cullen centre which is an eating disorder service for over 18s, where I'll be doing DBT and CBT with a therapist who I met a few weeks ago(he seems lovely). The focus until then is really going to be to get my weight up to within a healthy range, get me back to work and going out with friends, working on ways to keep myself safe and well, so that when it comes to august when I start cullen I'll be well enough to actually do the therapy, and we're also hoping that as I start to nourish my body&brain my mood will improve, anti depressants will start to work, and hopefully I shall start getting some sleep, so yeah all in all I'm feeling positive about it. Obviously I'm really scared about the weight gain, but I've come to accept the fact that I cant recover without gaining weight, regardless of shit it may make me feel at first, I have to gain weight if I'm to get my life back and actually start living, but as I'm gona be doing blind weigh-ins I'm not going to know my weight which I think will really help. anyway I'm rambling now but just thought I'd update you lovely people on my positive day! :)
lots of love,
Hope xx


  1. This all sounds fantastic. I am so so pleased for you, keep on fighting. You deserve life without anorexia. You deserve your future and a chance to find out who you really are. Life without anorexia is scary, but it's real. It will give you so much more. Keep fighting lovely one x

  2. It's wise not to watch the scale, I think you'll find it empowering not relying on it as much anymore. Overall it sounds like a good plan.

    I'm just really happy to read what you've written here, you're a strong girl, stronger than you know. Thank you for the positivity you brought to my day. :)

  3. It is scary to think about life without it, because its all I've known for so long, but it's also exciting, and I cant wait to be free :) Thank you both for your lovely comments xx

  4. You inspire me so much, with your courage and power to carry on, after all that you have gone through. Many people would have given up at the first hurdle, but you kept on going even though the journey hasn't always been easy for you.
    Reading your blog really helps me to understand how hard it has been for you over the last few years. I always seem to useless when it comes to things like this, cause I never really know what to say. I have it all in my head, but when it comes to writing it, it becomes blocked, but you have a talent that you can put all those thoughts, feelings, and experiences into words.
    I am delighted to read that you’re feeling so positive... your positivity is spreading to all your readers too! Keep up the good work One day I know I will see that Rachael I once knew about 11 years ago. The one that was always happy, bubbly and stress free. I know you can do it; I have all the faith in you to succeed because I can still see that strong girl I know you are, shining brightly!
    Keep up the work, get better, and get your life back. It’s all that you deserve after everything that's happened. I am waiting for the day I can see your smile again, and for me to know you mean it, and you aren't hiding behind it.
    Words can't explain what you mean to me. Don't give up; everyone wants the best for you!
    I’m always here for you no matter what happens, only a phone call away. Never forget that!
    Love you to pieces xxxx

  5. You are amazing! I don't know you except through this blog but I'm so proud of you & what you are achieving. I believe in you - I KNOW you're going to do this! Love x x x

  6. Fantastic news Hope! You are so strong-you're doing this! You're getting better every day.
    Angie xx