Sunday, 8 July 2012

It's dark and cold, and I'm alone

I am trying to tackle my food demons head on. I'm slowly gaining weight and my physical health is improving, but everything else is getting worse.
 It's like a seesaw, as soon as I try to tackle one thing all the other issues and problems that the anorexia hid are becoming more and more unbearable to deal with.
My mind is a very dark and horrible place right now.
I dont want to tell my friends about it because I feel like they're becoming fed up with me, being the ill one, the one they have to deal with, it's not fair on them so I'm plonking on my big smile every day, but as things get worse it's getting harder to do.
I cant pretend anymore. I'm sorry.
I am struggling so much.
I wish I was stronger. I really do.
I am scared of myself, scared of how strong and intrusive these thoughts are.
I don't know how to cope, I feel like I'm sinking, deeper and deeper..