I did it. I binned my light/low calorie "safe" foods. The weight watchers biscuits, the 10 calorie jelly, the extra light cheese spread, the lot. I binned them. They were like a kind of safety blanket - but in a bad way, I was eating, but living on 70 calorie biscuts and 10 calorie jelly - I figured it was unhelpful if im really going to properly recover to have them there, so I took a big (very scary) step and binned the lot. That way I cant be tempted.
She isnt happy though, this voice in my head, oh no, I'm now a big fat obese lazy disgusting failure who is going to die of fatness. The vile taunts are getting louder, because I fought back, like properly fought back for the first time in years, and she doesnt like it. But I dont like the abuse I'm getting now, sitting here in tears because I'm scared normal food will make me fat - what am I doing? what have I done? No, stop it, I will NOT go into asda and buy more, thats not gona make anything better is it? Listening to her has only landed me on bed rest while my friends are out having fun, too weak and tired to do anything, NO I wont give in to her.
andddd breathe, god this is hard....the hardest thing I've ever done. My head hurts, I hurt, she hurts.
I am SO proud of you. This is such an amazing thing to have done. You are fighting so hard; you are SO strong! Keep going! x x
ReplyDeleteGreat job! You will get through this. I know what you mean by feeling like normal food will make you fat. Yesterday I ate normal without binging or restricting and it was really weird. I had a lot of bad thoughts about my normal eating but I did get through the day! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHugs!