I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm hurting SO much inside, everything hurts, I just wish it would all stop. Im tired of always feeling so shit, I'm tired of this tiredness, every day is such a drag, I don't want to leave my bed, I dont wana leave the house, I just want to curl up in a ball in my bed and never move. I look horrible right now, disgusting, so fat and frumpy. I've cried myself to sleep pretty much every night for the past few weeks, I cant stop crying, I don't know what to do.
I try to talk, but who really wants to listen? none of it really makes sense. My friends are amazing, but I'm scared they're starting to hate me because im so depressing and such a mess right now, I'm no fun whatsoever, I wouldn't really blame them if they walked away. All I do right now is cry, sleep, moan, cry some more, hurt, and sleep some more. Oh yeah and work. Everyone keeps saying I'm wasting away and that I'm ill, but no, thats not the case, every morning I wake up and I look bigger, I hate myself, I look and feel huge. I sat and cried yesterday morning because all my clothes made me look fat..it sounds SO stupid right? But it's true, i feel revolting in everything.
I know this is such a depressing post and im sorry, I'd be surprised if anyone actually read it, and most of it is just ramblings, but yeah its only a slice of whats going on. I'm sorry I'm such a mess, I just had to get it out. I'm sorry I have literally failed EVERYONE.