Sunday, 25 March 2012

things have taken a turn for the worse..again...

So I dragged myself (well my mum did but still) to the GP last week, I broke down and told her everything. She was lovely, she sat and listened and asked me what was going on in that head of mines - she did my physical obs, which weren't good but lets not go in to that, and said she's very "concerned about my mental and physical well being" so she's called CAMHS and told them I need to be seen urgently. I'm scared, I'm scared of what they'll say, what they'll do, it will be outpatients that I see which is good -  I just hope I dont wait too long to get seen. Things in my head really aren't great, I'm a mess to say the least, I dont even know how to put it into words, except that I feel myself sinking further and further into this hell, every day is a chore, every waking moment is spent wishing it would all stop, these intrusive obsessive destructive thoughts are tearing me apart, tearing my family apart, everyone's constantly telling me theyre worried and that I look ill, but to me I'm huge, I'm horrible, disgusting, FAT. I dont know what I'm doing anymore, I'm lost, and scared.


  1. Hope, I wish there more I could offer to help you through this than just my words, but they're all I have. I know the thought of going to CAMHS is scary but I hope you'll be able to look at it as a good thing. I'm encouraged that you have people close who love you and are helping you get what you need to get better, please hold onto them.

    It's important right now to try to see this as a very positive step, which it is. I won't pretend to know how you feel, I'm sure it won't be easy to come face to face with what they say or do. But I do know you want to get better, and this will allow you to do it. Going through this process will be easier than living for years with these destructive thoughts in your head, don't you think?

    Please be strong and at times when you feel you can't, then know there are people in your life who love you very much and want to help you get through this. You're not alone.

    You are not alone.

  2. Hope sweetheart I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm sending you a big mental hug right now! You should be really proud of yourself for seeking the help that will get you better. Please talk to your friends and your family-they love you and care so much about you. Even though those voices in your head may be loud, they have no meaning. Think of them as faulty wiring which you are in the process of getting fixed. I know somedays, when you feel down, it's hard to believe it but they aren't real. Is there a great book or show that you love? just something to distract you. My favourite quote is, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5 Those words have amazing power, I hope you can feel them. Hope I will be praying for you. Angie xxx

  3. I really hope CAHMS will be able to help you. Hang on beautiful; there is a better life in your future. Loads of love x x x

  4. Hugs to you Hope, I hope that CAMHS will be able to help you. Just keep going, one day at a time.
    Love Jo xxx