Tuesday, 14 February 2012

on the right path...

So, last week it hit me that maybe I need a bit of help with the whole weight gain malarky, and after a wee chat with my best friend we thought that a recovery meal plan is the best way to go, and Jo being the absolute super star that she is sent me a wee draft one based on what she knows/learnt, and I've been following that for 2 days now. I can't sit here and say it's easy, because I know i'm eating more than I was before, but I know it's what I have to do to get better, and for once I actually want to get better - like with all my soul, I don't want to be this person anymore, I want to be free, healthy, happy and recovered. It seems to take a long time and sometimes I just think gaahh i wish i could just hurry up and get better already! but I know it's going to be sooo worth it!

I've really been challenging myself lately, like having things like cake, and having what I would class as 'extra' food, for example my brother got a massive bag of haribo the other night and I ate quite a few of them with him, where as before I'd allow myself 1 or 2, and y'know what? it felt fucking brilliant. it's the little things like that that give me the tiny snippets of how it feels to be a normal teenager. When I was at church on sunday with Jo, she got me an 'extra' biscuit and I didnt question it or argue I didnt need it I just ate it, and it was good, thank you Jo.

fuck you eating disorder. Fuck you, and fuck you some more.
I don't need you, I don't want you, I'm going to let my friends & family help me gain weight and get better, no resisting, no just sitting on the edge, like im really going to beat you this time, and there isn't a thing you can do to stop me, so HAHAHA IN YOUR UGLY LITTLE FACE. I'm gona sit and watch you squirm while I fight back against you, yes that's right, ME, the girl you've had complete control over for so many years now, i'm fighting back, hope you like it!


  1. love you rachy! looking forward to the day when you're eating cake with me and it's not a big deal!

    keep on the meal plan. NO DIVERTING!

    J xxxxx

  2. I love that your fighting back