So, last week it hit me that maybe I need a bit of help with the whole weight gain malarky, and after a wee chat with my best friend we thought that a recovery meal plan is the best way to go, and Jo being the absolute super star that she is sent me a wee draft one based on what she knows/learnt, and I've been following that for 2 days now. I can't sit here and say it's easy, because I know i'm eating more than I was before, but I know it's what I have to do to get better, and for once I actually want to get better - like with all my soul, I don't want to be this person anymore, I want to be free, healthy, happy and recovered. It seems to take a long time and sometimes I just think gaahh i wish i could just hurry up and get better already! but I know it's going to be sooo worth it!
I've really been challenging myself lately, like having things like cake, and having what I would class as 'extra' food, for example my brother got a massive bag of haribo the other night and I ate quite a few of them with him, where as before I'd allow myself 1 or 2, and y'know what? it felt fucking brilliant. it's the little things like that that give me the tiny snippets of how it feels to be a normal teenager. When I was at church on sunday with Jo, she got me an 'extra' biscuit and I didnt question it or argue I didnt need it I just ate it, and it was good, thank you Jo.
fuck you eating disorder. Fuck you, and fuck you some more.
I don't need you, I don't want you, I'm going to let my friends & family help me gain weight and get better, no resisting, no just sitting on the edge, like im really going to beat you this time, and there isn't a thing you can do to stop me, so HAHAHA IN YOUR UGLY LITTLE FACE. I'm gona sit and watch you squirm while I fight back against you, yes that's right, ME, the girl you've had complete control over for so many years now, i'm fighting back, hope you like it!