I am trying to tackle my food demons head on. I'm slowly gaining weight and my physical health is improving, but everything else is getting worse.
It's like a seesaw, as soon as I try to tackle one thing all the other issues and problems that the anorexia hid are becoming more and more unbearable to deal with.
My mind is a very dark and horrible place right now.
I dont want to tell my friends about it because I feel like they're becoming fed up with me, being the ill one, the one they have to deal with, it's not fair on them so I'm plonking on my big smile every day, but as things get worse it's getting harder to do.
I cant pretend anymore. I'm sorry.
I am struggling so much.
I wish I was stronger. I really do.
I am scared of myself, scared of how strong and intrusive these thoughts are.
I don't know how to cope, I feel like I'm sinking, deeper and deeper..
If you were feeling weak and dark, ill and scared but doing nothing to pull yourself out of it, then perhaps I could see people getting fed up hearing about it.
ReplyDeleteBut the opposite is true. You're going through what is probably the biggest change in your life because you're tired of living as you have been, of being controlled by Ana. You're facing things that you'd rather not, it's hard and it's scary. You're not a burden true friends will understand that you're going through a difficult time and be supportive.
You ARE strong, because you're carrying on. You're doing an amazing thing. Keep fighting beautiful girl. Loads of love x x x
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. :)
ReplyDeleteBarry and Just me are right-you're so strong and facing up to lots of things. Excuse this if it sounds like a cliche but the things you have experienced and are getting through some people never deal with in a life time. You truly are incredibly strong and a beautiful person, please don't ever forget that! Please let us know how you are doing, you are in my thoughts are prayers. Angie xxx
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